Things I’ve Learned

Hug Your Way to an Independent Child
Hug Your Way to an Independent Child

Hug Your Way to an Independent Child

“Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!” is about the way a few hours of every day goes for me with my 17 month old. She insistently calls for me and wants to be held, hugged and paid attention to. So, we read books, sing together, cuddle, and sometimes often times I find myself completing tasks with one hand while she’s happily perched on my hip.

But, like many moms, I put up with it and try to enjoy it as much as I can. She’ll only be this little so long. I know that it’s only a matter of time before she becomes more independent.

My nearly four-year-old on the other hand is quite independent. He likes the occasional snuggle and asks to be played with from time to time. But, most of the time he can be found happily digging with his  trucks in the dirt, coloring pictures beside me while I work or making up an intricate story line with a few model dinosaurs. He also likes to help wash dishes and hang up laundry or page through a book.

As a baby and toddler, my son was similar to my daughter. He was attached to me or his father at most times. While he enjoyed wandering off on his own to play for a while, he was more often than not like velcro.

That’s my real life experience that shows me that being close and connected leads to independence. But, there’s more to it than one mom’s journey.

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Why “Good Job!” Doesn’t Cut It: A Montessori Perspective On Praise

Why “Good Job!” Doesn’t Cut It: A Montessori Perspective On Praise

First of all, who doesn’t say “good job!” to their kids? It’s a catch-all sort of praise that you can easily blurt out while you’re also skimming the news, chopping vegetables or peeking out of the bathroom to watch your child do some sort of jumpy twirly move that he’s obviously very proud of. Yet, praise can do so much more than prove that you’re watching what your child does. How?

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Use Descriptive Praise

Rather than evaluating our children and defining their whole worth around one task or action, why not describe the positive behavior and encourage them? This is called descriptive praise.

A comparison of evaluative and descriptive praise helps clarify:

Evaluative Praise Descriptive Praise
“Good boy!” “Thank you for helping me. We finished cleaning quickly between the two of us.”
“What a fantastic drawing!” “You worked very hard on that drawing. I like the colors you picked.”
“Good job!” “Wow, I didn’t know you could hop on one foot. That takes a lot of balance!”

In the left hand column, evaluative praise is used. Here, you can see how the words determine whether the child has done something “good” or “bad.” There is judgement in these phrases. Especially with “good girl!” and “good boy!”, the child as a whole is evaluated for one single action.

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A Lighthearted Look at the Status of My Parenting Adventures

A Lighthearted Look at the Status of My Parenting Adventures

Some days I’m a frazzled mess. I share more similarities with the street cat that frequents our garden space than a human being. Maybe it’s because the five people I spend the most time with are my kids, husband, that annoying cat and a cricket.

Parenting Is Tough

Sometimes it’s challenging to spend all your time with consuming little beings. All of the “I want, I need” all day and all night is exhausting. Does this mean I should seek out better people so that I can become an average of 5 great people instead of letting the little ones drag me down? Assuming that great people always lift you up, don’t make you angry, tired or discouraged is nonsense.

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Guaranteed No Tears At Mealtime

Guaranteed No Tears At Mealtime

“Ok hunny, I’ll pop some chicken nuggets in the toaster for you,” said none of our great-grandparents ever.

Don’t you think some of the troubles little ones have with eating and mealtime are really due to society’s recent trend towards using processed foods? The convenience of popping some chicken nuggets in the microwave or grabbing some crackers for the toddler is a relatively new reality. And no parent wants to see their child go hungry, so it’s no wonder our children demand an alternative to lentil stew. We give in because we can. There are easy alternatives calling from the kitchen “hellooooo…anyone want some crackers?”

But, by giving in and allowing these alternatives, we’re creating picky eaters that are on a path towards leading an unhealthy lifestyle.

So, how, you ask, do you avoid the tears at mealtime? How do you navigate the refusal to try a bite of green beans?

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